saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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