i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
