It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
