Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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