i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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