Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
