I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
