just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
