I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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