he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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