She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
do nipples grow back?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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