I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize