"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
