matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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