I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
