porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
