Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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