I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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