If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
