Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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