And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
