Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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