There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize