$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize