Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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