When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
