i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
