in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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