I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
