That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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