omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize