next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
