And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize