Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
