you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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