her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
