So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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