Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize