So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
