he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Found the puke drawer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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