we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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