Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
