we have pet lesbian snakes
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
