thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
