That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
