At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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