so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize