You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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