Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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