To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
