2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
