apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
