Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
