you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
