You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
