He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
