At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
