i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize