she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
