THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize