She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
