the new term for farting is butt boxing.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
