I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
