Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
