we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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