The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
