he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
