Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
