dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize