So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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