dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
