woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
