I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My dick has a subreddit
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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