your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize