Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
