A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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