Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
