4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
