If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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