your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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