I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
