I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
