that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize