Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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