nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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