how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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