I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize